overwhelmingly speechless

with the name of the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

life is just what it is.
so does love. a single word can never describe these two words, neither can any amount of words.

love is to learn.
love is to persevere.
love is to be patient.

love is more than just a verb.

love can be present in a tiny thing like petting a pet or in the greatest love of all time.
love can be presented in a nice, sweet smile or a just a mere question of concern towards you.
love can be easily misinterpreted by both the one offering the love and the recipient.

putting it short, it is just impossible to describe love with words.

even so, it is even more difficult to explain about life. it is just is.

i found the episodes in my life very interesting. the ups and downs are very funny, at times i felt they were mocking at me. for example, when you got things that you wished but it carried on in your life in an opposite manner. i am not saying this because i am not content for the life i am living. in fact, i am very grateful by the way life is teaching me its beautiful lessons.

i am now in my second posting of housemanship.

prior to my commencement of my housemanship, i had a wishlist of how the sequence of my posting would go (OnG > medical > paeds > ortho > surgery > ED) - reasons for this are because I am never prepared for medical posting, 2nd, i thought OnG would somehow prepared me for HOship in a rather acceptable pace, n ortho n surgery last because i wanna keep my fav towards the end so i would be enjoying them. nevertheless, like i said before, life has its funny way of teaching me its lessons. most often it comes with either one of these: 1) i got things i really does not want or 2) i got what i want because i think it is the most awesome and fun but it turned out to be the most awful and dreadful.

lesson #1 in my HOship: i got the hospital i applied for. but till now, i am telling myself to be happy with it :)))

lesson #2: i got medical posting first - yeah, i almost cried the moment this news hit me. but it turned out to be the best preparation for me. thank you everyone in medical posting! you are dearly missed <3

lesson # ?:
ok, subsequently (upon entering medical posting) i changed my plan. my wishlist now is medical > ortho > paeds > OnG > surgery > ED (i just need a break after my medical posting here k =D). why ortho? because it was the  most fun and awesome posting when i was med student and it is very much relaxing (this is my presumption k, don't misunderstood). and this time, life takes method 2 to teach me. hmmm3, for now i won't elaborate k, coz i would rather shut myself. nevertheless, ortho is just so loveable and to love is to learn but love is not just about that. the most lovely of all is i found my twin and we are just inseparable. separate us and you shall lose our synergistic effect which is HUGE loss =D

*many things happen in such a short time, it is just so overwhelming*

this job demands me to read everyday. read dear, READ!

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A tribute too late and will never suffice

بسم الله الرحمن االرحيم

I plan to make this entry on someone's birthday.

Someone who I live in before living in this world.

Someone who had brought me up.

Someone who had taught me about faith and believe.

Someone who had instilled in me confidence and esteem.

Someone who had convinced me that she will always be there for me.

Someone whom I love with all my heart but still, I couldn't love her enough if people were to compare our love for each other.

A mother's love is the next powerful thing after your love for Allah and His Messenger pbuh.

I am among the fortunate children to have the touch of a mother.

 الحمد لله كثيرا 

But you know what, I am five days late.

I could never list everything that Mek had done for me, for it is endless.

Mek was the one who had difficulty in sleeping when I told her my SPM chemistry paper was not easy (I just told her it wasn't easy; not it was difficult).

She was the one who kept rekindling my self-confidence when I was in medical school.

She is my greatest source of motivation for just listening to her voice could soothes my worries and boosts my energy.

She would be worried just because I am not smiling.

I am reminded most to smile because she told me she loved seeing me smiling. (so does ayah ^.^)

She never forgets to give me advices over and over again because she knows how forgetful I am.

She is the best mother to have; and you would want to have a mother in law like her. (you gan get the testimonies from by SIL and BIL :P )

Whenever I am not happy or sad or tired or feeling anything not good, she lifted up my spirit even when she is not around. You know how? By telling me that I will always be in her prayers and most importantly, by reminding me that Allah is always with us :)

My all time favourite of all her advices: be a good girl, anywhere, anytime =)

Her advice that I remember the most everytime I feel like giving up: you had chosen your path, so do your best at it!

I am such a bad daughter because I often made her worry, especially when I started working.

This is a story during the first few weeks of my working life:

I was not a hardworking student so I am lacking in knowledge and competency. The result would show when you start working. I worked so slow and very inefficiently I ended up going back from work at 12midnight the earliest with minimal oral intake. The usual hours are 2/3am in the morning. That was such a strain to my body (who had been having excessive sleeping hours and food during half a year holiday). One day off every week was spent for sleep and laundry. I lost 5kg in just two weeks and had a very bad URTI - leaving me almost voiceless. Both mek and ayah were so worried and like a magic to me, they turned up (I am so glad I applied somewhere near home ^.^ ; *tips for newly medical graduate-apply for housemanship in the hospital I am working right now- insyaAllah pasti dapat ^.^). As guilty as I am to make them worry, I was exhilarated by their presence. Even better, mek stayed with me for that night  =) For whatever reason, of all nights I had been having that URTI, I continuously coughing throughout the night, hardly able to sleep despite of the exhaustion. And I remembered, mek called me out and handed me a glass of warm asam jawa drink *it still felt like a dream to me* and biiznillah, my cough got away for the whole night and I got a lovely, deep 3-hours sleep before going back to work the next morning.

A mother's love is like the universe- unquantifiable.

For I am late in writing this tribute, I will include a tribute due in fifteen days in this one as well. After all, it is for mek's another half =) and the story I am about to tell had them both as my saviors.

About a person whom without him and mek, I wouldn't have existed. 

Someone who taught me about living a life. 

Someone who had proven me that there is always a way no matter how difficult life can be.

Someone who wouldn't like me crying even when I was a little girl but will still get worried anyway. 

Someone who would always be worried about my safety and health. 

Someone who would do his best to provide the best for his loved ones. 

Someone who showed me the meaning of courage and perseverance. 

Someone whom my siblings and I called MacGyver because he is such a hero to all of us :)

Ayah was the type who wouldn't talk much about anything unless it was necessary or he was asked about it.

He would always tell me (and my other siblings as well): anak ayah dah besar, boleh buat keputusan sendiri, kalau perlu ayah beri nasihat.

That's how cool ayah is.

Another thing, just recently I heard on radio about woman and man worrying. One of the lines that I remembered was: 'it is not that man does not worry, they just don't show their worries'. It's true. You know why? I did mention before that I lost quite a number of weight when I started working (which is something I like actually), and ayah didn't really say anything. He just reminded me to take my meals properly and not just some light snack, supplied me with multivitamins and told me to have a good rest whenever possible. I never thought the fact that I lost weight worried him until one fine day after few months (after I had regained a bit of weight) when I got home, he said: 'mah dah nampak sihat sikit dah. Macam ni baru lah anak ayah' ^.^

Well, u can conclude yourself ;)

Very much like a dad, ayah is serious no matter how funny and sporting he can be. Mek always said: 'anak-anak mek susah nak dengar cakap mek, tapi kalau ayah cakap sekali je, semua dengar' --> that line summarises how lovely mek is and how strict ayah is =P sorry mek, we all tried our best to be obedient ;D

When I was a child, I used to be a cry-baby(which aggravates my brothers' desire to tease me) and ayah didn't like people crying - this taught me to be stronger and not to cry on petty, little things.

If anyone were to talk about bravery, ayah will immediately come to my mind. Ayah is such a brave man. He would always do his best to give us comfort and security. He would always ensure our safety and be there whenever we are in need. He stood up for the truth and never let a lie lasts. - even more reason to admire him.

And here is the story that would remind me of their love for me:

There was this fine day when I was supposed to celebrate my graduation with the rest of my classmates and lecturers- with our parents as the guests of honour. I looked forward to this day ever since I got the invitation letter, I told my parents earlier so they could get leave for that day- and they did =) In fact, on the day itself, we planned in such a way that my parents would go the venue first and I would come later(the situation wouldn't let us go together). Regardless of everything, destiny had decided for me not to be able to go for that event. Something happened near my workplace. Because of that incident, my parents had to come all the way from Cheras to Klang, and I felt so guilty and sorry for two things - for troubling them all the way there and for making them unable to attend the event. But you know what? They told me that they were grateful that they took leaves so they can be with me and accompany me.  And they said (I would never want to forget, when I told them I am sorry for what had happened):

Mek: 'what important is that mek and ayah want you to be the happiest girl in this world!'

Ayah: 'any time, any where, I will be there for you'

I could never finish this list. No matter what, I am grateful for mek and ayah and no one could ever replace them and no one can love me more than they do=) No matter what, I am grateful for mek and ayah and no one could ever replace them. May I become a daughter who would benefit them both in this world and hereafter.

To mek and ayah, happy birthday, may every second of your life filled with love and blessings from Allah swt, be it in ease or difficulties. Thank you so much for having me as your child. Lnmusm <3 p="">

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Worn out

For long
I had thought
Why me?
Why are these all unending?
How long shall this last?
For I am exhausted
Worn out
Tired
Breathless
To a point that I no longer wish to breathe
So everything shall pass by
Without any effort
Being tireless

For long
I did think in such way
For countless times
I wish for things to end

But just now
I was reminded
That that is how life would be
When we are living for the sake of being
Rather than the sake of the Creator

For if we are living for Allah We shall be tireless as from Him, we ask for strength
We shall be resourceful for He is our Supplier

Shame on me for ever being tired
Pity on me to be searching for what I should not
As for now, Self, please be reminded of your ultimate goal - His Mercy and Blessings ♥

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