Believe

Bismillah

Have you ever heard of the saying 'People will only believe what they wanted to believe? 
No? 
Oops. It's okay =) You now have heard about it. Hehe. I first heard about this a long time ago. Probably during high school. Maybe history lessons. Hehe. Maybe. And I have always thought about it. And it's true. It's really true. Me included. It is hard to believe something when it is against something what we have already believed in. Some sort of internal debate la kot kan. Which one is true? A or B? How can A be true when all this while you know it is B for SURE. One thing we always forget is that A and B could both be true. Difference point of view would change how A and B looks like. But oh well, how often are we bothered about others point of view? #pointstoponder

I hardly been on the other side (defendant; chewah, tetiba teringat cerita ID- Innocent Defendant <3 <3) and always, at this side (defendant side) truth hurts a lot. You know why, because people refused to believe what you know is the truth; because they already have their 'portion' of truth which I suppose is more than sufficient for them. Ain't it? And it hurts even even even more when these people, these people are your very own kin. And ummm yeah, I am writing this because I am so upset, full of rage and sadness, and disappointment. Hahaha. It seems my tears need no trigger now. Good moisturization for my eyes though. And somehow, I am reminded of these two things: 

1) Story of the prophet Joseph a.s. : 
The story that depicts the beauty of patience. Beautiful patience. Allahu. O Lord, grant me and my family such beautiful patience. For we are weak and small if not for whatever strength and ability You have granted us. 

2) One of the statements in Munyatul Musolli (I haven't finished this; but only heard part of early explanations for this book). And one of the things that I really remembered was: A good ruler is a blessings for the people (Because that book was dedicated to a ruler; so the author included advice and reminders for the ruler). Yes, it was a reminder for the ruler. But it is also to remind the people that good people deserve good King/ruler. If all duties to the Lord, the Prophets and to the Deen are fulfilled, why won't your Lord grant you such blessings (a good ruler). So that makes me ponder, did I lack in fulfilling my responsibilities to anyone? Did I refuse to believe someone when s/he is telling the truth? Did I shut down someone when s/he tried to ask for what is right and to know what is wrong? Did I turned my back to anyone who deserves my respect? Did I refused to acknowledge someone who deserves more than that? Am I looking down on someone or his/her opinion or thoughts or advices or suggestions just because I think s/he is no better than me? Did I ever thought or assume that someone is not good just because of who her/his family members or parents are? Did I? Because that is what I feel is happening. My beloved is being misjudged. Our voices unheard. We are made distant as if we had burnt down the bridge but we had always left the door open (Not the had(at least for me)). Did I ever look down on someone's dad or referring someone such as "Ni ikut ayah dia la tu" because now I feel that my dad's pride is being trampled upon. Is it because of my action? My words? Or perhaps even my thoughts or assumptions? 

Alahai dunia, peritnya kamu ini!

I am sorry world. So sorry. If I have ever done anything wrong, if I have ever hurt you, if I have ever not fulfill my duties or responsibilities, please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.

2254H 21032018

#life

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Kekuatan itu.

Have I ever told you that I always have this over-thinking problem. Imagining this. Imagining that. Anticipating this and that too. And as what the term (overthinking) describes, less than one percent of all those actually happened.

So this was what I thought of the other day.

Somehow I was in the midst of conversation with my bosses (consultant included), I couldn’t remember exactly what was the topic, but I remembered who(does this matter to begin with?) and I wasn’t sure what had happened but then my boss said: “whoaaaa nak mati ke jawab macam tu?”. And somehow my reply was even more surprising: “kenapa nak takut boss? Setiap hari saya doa moga diberikan kekuatan untuk menjalani hari tersebut. Dah banyak hari saya rasa macam nak mati je tapi tiap-tiap pagi Allah bangunkan saya untuk teruskan hidup”.

I have no idea how I came up with that, and I bet I don’t have the guts to actually say that to my boss. Hehehe. But that really made me ponder. Why did I say that? And indeed, I beg for strength and patience everyday for living is freaking exhausting. 

Dan disebabkan kekuatan itu, saya masih di sini sekarang. Dan saya masih saya. Setinggi-tinggi pujian buat Ilahi yang Maha Kuasa dan Perkasa. 

Dalam kesedihan, ada cuitan yang menggembirakan.

Dalam kesunyian, hadir sapa dan suara yang menceriakan.

That someone’s smile.

Someone’s joke.

Someone who’s asking because he or she is concerned.

Relaxing drive which untangles your confused thoughts.

Questions which lead you to answers.

Thoughts that make you think.

Senja yang menakjubkan.

Matahari yang tidak pernah penat menyinar.

Langit cantik yang tidak pernah tidak menenangkan.

Lautan tenang yang hanya dengan membayangkannya dapat menggembirakan.

Senyuman sahabat yang hanya dengan mengingatinya mengukir senyuman dirimu sendiri.

Dan seterusnya.

And this list is not exhaustive.

Alhamdulillah.

Thank you Allah.

Please make me and the people around me among grateful people and contented.

For all the blessings are from You and to You we shall return.

Jangan sekali-kali menarik rahmat dan barakah-Mu. Limpahkan kami dengan kesabaran dan kekuatan untuk menjalani kehidupan ini dengan sebaik-baiknya.

Allahu, sesungguhnya hati ini rindu :’(

I hope this post did not translate into negativity for you, it’s just a reminder for me to be grateful and to keep on pleading from my Lord.

#random

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When it is all actually about you

Have you ever thought why you keep on living your days?

Going through the moments, good or bad, hard or smooth, lovely or upsetting, you still go through it.

Choice
Given a choice, how would you decide for which? Is it affected by others? Is it affected by convenience? Or is it actually just you and what you want or what you need.

And the options you open up to life, to others, were they the true available options? Or were they actually just compromises that you can make, be it huge or minute.

Hope

Accomplishment

Frustration.

In the end, you just find it hard to trust because when you do, you really give the whole of it.


#310717

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