Many people told me that they are proud of my achievements, especially over my recent success on passing my defense. Of course, there are still many more hurdles in future, but at least I am one step closer now.
But what I don't understand is that I don't feel proud at all. Relieved, definitely. It had been a long struggle since I started, so yes, definitely relieved. Should I be proud of myself?
Honestly, I am lost.
I felt awful yesterday and last night.
coz I felt dreadful over comments by Prof after we had mock presentation in the morning.
and I didn't get the chance to present to my own supervisors before - not sure why, but I kind of disappointed over this.
I felt hopeless and deflated, thinking that I will surely fail.
I cried many times throughout the day after coming back home. And definitely while driving home.
At 12 midnight, I felt it was the worst birthday ever.
but then... I forgot to look at the good things.
Prof allowed me to perform a Sistrunk procedure - of course partly ('mainly') done by him.
I had criticism during a mock presentation - which means I still have time to do correction and prepare before the real defense.
I did not get to present to my supervisors- but hey, I did get to present to one of the senior panelists, and also my previous supervisors (Prof Emeritus tau! hehe)
Why would I allow myself to feel terrible over what had happened? Why didn't I enjoy the present moment- Mek Ayah, my ohana and all the lovely people around me (and from far who have always been in my heart) :) and the day couldn't be better. Alhamdulillah ❤️
and my beloved boss ;) ;) said: "Ya.. one exam wont define you.. its what you do here onwards to your patients that defines you.."... too bad that he had to endure so much complaining beforehand. Sorry boss 😘
and I am grateful for this fb post that came across my wall, it really knocked me on the head so I could enjoy the moment.
here was the quote:
Complaining drains the good energy of the complainer and listener. Focus and take action on what we can control instead. And be grateful for the blessings that we have. The rest will take care itself.
-Richard Ker
So, let us not worry over the past and embrace each moment and do our best! Jia you 💪🏼
and never knew how much more time I have left...
Alhamdulillah.
10 years ago - 2013. I think (as far as I could remember) I was still eager to be a surgeon. Living my days as medical student - learning, practicing, managing stress, making friends, meeting new people, whilst trying to pass my medical school so I could become a doctor. Why? Because I wanted to be a surgeon.
and fast forward 10 years, I am on my way to become one - yet to defend my thesis this coming Monday (July 10th) and insyaAllah if I passed, final exam in October and November.
p/s: these past four years - there were so many moments I wanted to quit (perhaps still do). I am not sure myself what made me stay :P
15 years ago - 2008. I completed my SPM - offered scholarship to study medicine oversea (but wasn't the region that I wanted so I turned it down and made an appeal). Enrolled in matriculation. Lived my introvert life. Close circle of friends - roommates, tutormates (chief, Farah, Shikin, Aisyah, Nash, and many more) esp Farah who tirelessly woke me up every time I dozed off during lectures. Received a call regarding my appeal - I was offered another scholarship at selected region, but this time the course offered was: Nuclear Physics. In that short instance, I didn't know what I was thinking or what led me to the decision- but I remembered asking if they offered medical course which obviously they didn't and then I said: "I am sorry I have to turn down the offer, but I wanted to do medicine". Well, that decision led me to where I am now. And definitely met many beautiful souls along the way 🥰
Given the chance to turn back time- Would I choose the same?
Probably not. Miahahahaha. Once I told my boss - the price is too much to pay.
That doesn't matter because we are where we are now. So, let's live the moment <3
So, today I want to wish good things for myself and for many others who have been kind or is kind to me or reminds me of kindness🤲🏽
Happy happy happy prosperous day and have a great a life ahead 💐🎉🎊
