Friday, December 30, 2011

Likulli haqqin haqqa

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Baru je sy ditegur oleh abg sy... Katanya: likulli haqqin haqqa... Mksdnya sesuatu yg berhak itu ada haknya(btul kn?ni ap yg sy fhmla)... Ibadah,usrah,study,ukhuwah,riadah,rehat,etc... Kta sume pun da sedia maklum ttg sume tanggungjawab ni... Cuma sering kali diri ni terlupa... Sbb bila ditegur mcm tu, tersentak rasanya... Mana xnya, asyik layan fb je... Buku xbukak, nota xbaca, clerk pun xjgk... Konon, semangat da xde... Alasan je tu... Emosi x stabil, penat, sakit... Entahla, nk ckp tipu mcm betul... Tp kalau nk dilayankn, sampai bila? Sbb tu, nk pesan, rujuk balik kt tajuk tuh~ awlawiyatnya pada yg mana? Btul x? Moga Allah permudahkan urusan kta sume...

Yakinlah, bahawa Allah adalah sebaik-baik perancang.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Kadang2 mcm btul, kadang2 mcm salah,
Selalu bersemangat tp bila layu, xtaw nk wt apa dah.
Di mata orang aku ini jahat, penipu dan kedekut, benarkah?
Mungkin di mata orang lain aku ini baik hati, berani, bersemangat, betul ke?
Bukankah pandangan Allah itu yang utama?
Betul, tp bukankah apa yg baik di pandangan Allah itu juga baik di pandangan manusia?
… terkelu dlm pemikiran sendiri


Bila diri mula penat dan hilang semangat, segalanya pudar…
Bacaan kalimah Allah yg suci tidak lagi lazim di bibir,
Untuk melawan nafsu pun sudah hilang kehendak,
Mendirikan solat pun hanyalah sekadarnya, andai hilang hukum wajib itu, aku ragu akan pelaksanaannya.
Insan beginikah aku? Lemahnya wahai diri andai ini terjadi kapan kali diri menjadi penat.
Memang benar istiqamah itu bukan mudah. Untuk melakukan kebaikan tidaklah susah, tapi untuk mengekalkannya perlukan kekuatan yang bukan sebarang…
Ya Allah, aku berlindung dengan-Mu dari sifat lemah dan malas, moga ku dikurniakan kekuatan untuk terus tetap berada di jalan meraih keredhaan-Mu. Andai aku belum lagi di jalan itu, pimpinlah aku kepadanya Ya Allah. Apabila aku telah berada di atas jalan itu, jangan sekali-kali Engkau meninggalkan aku tanpa pimpinan dan hidayah dari-Mu…




"I was a moron back then, just so people would scold me"-quoted

I hope that I was no longer a moron but that was not true. To be affected this much by someone, is a living proof that I am a moron. It is not easy dear, I hope you would compensate for this.

O Allah, I beg for Your forgiveness, and for the strength and courage to keep walking on this path.

video

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

~aku bukan parasit~ #002 CVS examination

Assalamualaikum~

nk share skit psl CVS examination, sekadar yg tahu, mgkin ad silap ataupun salah, tlglah betulkan ye.

mcm biasa, PPD sntiasa diamalkn, introduce urself.

next, exposure, position(45 degree/higher if pt is uncomfortable)

sume da ok --> g end of the bed: General inspection(Dr ckp student slalu lupa tang ni, so tgkla sume2 ea, any branula/drips/infusion/oxygen mask/sputum cup/inhaler). ringkasnya, apa2 barang yg ad kt sekeliling pt tuh~ (klu neuro, mgkin leh tgk tongkat/walking frame). N kalau da nmpk tu, pandai2la describe, (mgkin site/type of drip/infusion).

Dr pun ad mention ttg venti mask. cmne nk bezakan face mask VS venti mask? ans: presence of venturi valve(yg warna-warni tuh). Xperlu hafal colour coding utk venturi valve, sbb lain hospital, lain colour coding yg digunakan(Dr ckp) tp make sure check bpe conc oxygen yg digunakn...

Ok, next section> inspection of the hands

firstly, tgk ad clubbing x? causes of clubbing: IE, congenital cyanotic heart ds(transposition of great arteries, tetralogy of Fallot). n tgk jgk stigmata of IE(clubbing, Janeway lesion, Osler's nodes, distal emboli, splinter hemorrhage). splinter hemorrhage ni can have other causes jgk. Cthnya: trauma(most common)n vasculitis.

pastu jgn lupa pulse(radial pulse). Pulse kene describe tiga benda:rate(bpm), rhythm n volume, character(eg. collapsing pulse).

**collapsing pulse: mula2, tny pt ad x sakit kt bahu(sbb kta nk agkt tgn dia, klu sakit n dia xbg agkt, xyah k?). pastu guna tpk tgn anda: use ur palm and feel for the pulse. then release it until u can no longer feel the pulse and life the patient's arm. If u feel the pulse/bounding pulse then there is presence of collapsing pulse. Nape name dia collapsing pulse? sbb korg dpt rasa pulse yg kuat pastu tetba hilang... hmm, xpernah experience tp dgr org ckp n bc definition, mcm tu la...

then check for radio-radio delay n radio-femoral delay

-> face examination

Eyes
look for signs of hypercholesterolemia(xanthelasma/corneal arcus). Tapi corneal arcus is common in elderly, so not necessarily that elderly pt has cholesterolemia if s/he has corneal arcus. But if u see corneal arcus in a young pt, then it is a sign of hypercholesterolemia. Check for anemia/jaundice.

Mouth
Oral hygiene(might be source of IE)
central cyanosis(under the tongue)
high-arched palate(use a torch, make sure u see enough palate to identify a high-arched palate)

->neck examination

Then check for JVP(jugular venous pressure)- refers to IJV; how to locate IJV? hmm, u need to know the course of IJV; it runs from the TMJ(temporomandibular joint) and its inferior end passes in between the sternal and clavicular heads of SCM(sternocleidomastoid muscle). So basically, tgk TMJ n the region btwn the two heads of SCM, make a perpendicular line, n look somewhere there(last sentence ni teori sy sndiri yg diadaptasi drpd teaching dgn specialist, xde mention dlm mana2 textbook, so klu xnk caya pun xpe). btw, IJV lies deep to SCM, so SCM ni kira a good landmark for JVP. pastu, to identify JVP, u need to know its characteristic, (it is visible but not palpable, double pulsation[bc blik physio nape double pulsation k?], positive hepatojugular reflux, the pulse obliterated by touch, decreases with inspiration). dlm stiap sume ni, msti ad sebab dia kn? so, back to basics-physio

***in case there is raised JVP, must palpate for liver!(According to Dr N)

-> chest

inspection: chest deformities, scar (e.g, midline sternotomy: CABG or valvular replacement), pacemaker(look at both left n right sides)and precordium: visible pulsation?

palpation: start with apex beat(start from most lateral and inferior). locate(normal position-5th I.C space, mid-clavicular line) and describe its character (normal, tapping, heaving, thrusting, double-pulsation).

**normal is normal, tapping is only in mitral stenosis(only mention it if u r sure there is murmur there), heaving is when there is increased resistance(stenosed/restricted outlet or systemic HPT), thrusting(volume overload. eg., mitral regurg, tricuspid regurg, CCF), double-pulsation(don't know the reason of this. anyone knows?)

However, you might not be able to palpate the apex beat. So what can be the causes? Anything that can prevent the transmission of the pulsation to your hand(obesity, pneumothorax, pleural effusion, pericardial effusion). You might want to ask the pt to move to left lateral position if you can't feel the apex beat.

palpate the thrills(over the area of each valve: mitral, tricuspid, pulmonary, aortic)- use the tip of ur finger
and also look for parasternal heave(use the heel of ur palm)

Auscultate!

start with bell(low-pitch) over the mitral area/apex to look for murmur radiating to the axilla. if nothing, then change to diaphragm, listen again and go to the next valve. usually the sequence is mitral-tricuspid-pulm-aortic. also, when u find a murmur, u need to perform the manoeuvre to accentuate the murmur and where it radiates to(i won't tell bout this coz im not yet sure myself). u also need to listen over carotid artery(both sides) for radiation of aortic murmur or perhaps carotid bruit(in case of carotid stenosis).

n ask the pt to sit up n auscultate the aortic area(right 2nd IC space)- a manoeuvre for aortic regurg(previously written as mitral regurg. sorry for the mistake). then, auscultate the base of the lung(bibasal creps) and check for sacral edema.

Last but not least, never forget pitting edema(and of course, always look at the patient's face!)

lupa lak nk ckp: Dr pesan, klu ad peripheral signs of IE, palpate for spleen!

n after u have finished ur examination, present everything in sequence. yg plg pnting: murmur(describe the site/radiation if any, type and grade), pt in failure or not, in sinus rhythm or not.

your finishing sentence: "this pt has the clinical evidence of ____________ (e.g, mitral stenosis, aortic stenosis, etc. )


in case u got exam question such as "palpate this pt's radial pulse", u still nd to do general inspection(at the end of the bed) n mention everything about the pulse~


All in all, Dr N ni mmg style~ jom kta sama2 doa dia dpt hidayah dr Allah...

**pt yg ad AVF(arteriovenous fistula- yg utk hemodialysis tuh) xdpt rasa radial pulse sbb da ad connection btwn artery n vein..



isu semasa: nk kuar study grup???

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Antara semua,kenapa keluarga?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Pernah x bila rasa xtaw nk wt ap,teringat kt mak ayah?atau tgh bosan2/guling2 atau tgh memandu ke, terbayang muka mak ayah n akhirnya senyum sorg2... Sy selalu sgt sampai sy rasa mesti org plik nape ttba je sengih sorg2... Xtaw kenape, tp rindu pd mak ayah ni lain... Dlm kerinduan yg tu,wujudnya satu kesayuan tp tetap memberikn kekuatan.. Sy syg sgt mek n ayah, n bersyukur sgt dpt tmpt bljar dkt dgn rumah... Leh jmpa slalu wlupun sekadar mkn sama2 buat beberapa puluh minit. (^^). Mgkin ad yg plik nape sanggup memandu hmpir sejam(ulg alik) semata2 nk mkn kt umah.. Sbbnya adalah- adanya mek atau ayah..klu ad dua2 lg seronok... Tmbh2 klu ad kakak n abg n ank2 buah skali..huhu..da jd expanded family ;)

Lagipun,slalu terpk klu skrg ni x luangkn masa utk keluarga, lps ni msti lg sibuk(prasan ke?),mkin senior,mkin sibuk..nt keje plk... Cer dgr cter2 housemen kt wad tuh~ sibuk sgt, smpi aritu bila g wad ari sabtu nk cr kes,dia suh blik tdo... Haih~ ap la Dr nih... Bg la smgt skit suh org rajin.. Huhu.. Papepun, smoga masa yg diluangkn brsama kluarga mnjadi ibadah...bgitu juga rindu n sygku pd mereka..

Ya Allah, jadiknlah kami golongan yg berusaha menegakkan syiar Islam n kalimah-Mu di atas muka bumi ini n saling mnjd kekuatan satu sama lain. Jgnlah Engkau jadikn kami ujian/batu pnghalang bg mereka yg berjuang di jalan-Mu ya Allah...

Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, walillahil hamd

Monday, December 12, 2011

~aku bukan parasit~ #001

~aku bukan parasit~


Cervical cancer may affect woman of any age, especially those who have been sexually active. Human Papilloma Virus has been shown to cause ~100% of this cancer which 70% is attributed to HPV-16 and HPV-18(there are up to 15 serotypes which can cause cervical cancer). Vaccination against HPV-16 and HPV-18 is now available. Despite vaccination, one still has to undergo regular PAP smear for screening purpose.

The recommended schedule for PAP smear: annually for three consecutive years and three yearly until the age of 54 and after that 5-yearly until the age of 65 (provided the smear shows normal result. If any of the smear is not normal, please do the necessary-proceed with further investigation)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Indeed



May Allah forgive all my wrongdoings and guide me to be a better person each day

In the bright light or under the shade?

I want to always understand you but sometimes we are just in different situations.

I want to always be able to comfort you but you just won't let me coz I am not in your shoes.

My shoulders are always there for you but at times you would cry to yourself coz you thought I might be troubled by your cry. Don't you know that it troubles me more when my shoulders are dry but your tears are streaming down your cheeks?

I always want to encourage you with my words but often I am stuck with hesitations. I am afraid those words would just be so-about-me that I prefer to keep it to myself. In the end, I feel like I am unworthy of a friend.

I always want to lift your burden but in the end you feel burdened even more because of my lack-of-understanding words.


There are a lot more I wish to do for you since you have done more than everything for me.


I was in the bright light before and I thought of sharing the light with you. I always thought that nothing could be better than that but I forgot one thing, sense of reality. I was so into my world that I forgot that such light could be blinding. Just before I lost my sight, you shared with me the shade you have. No, you are not putting off the light but you gave me just enough shade so that I could still have that awesome sight of life but not blinded by the brightness of it. When I thought of helping you, it turned out to be the opposite.


Thanks friend,

For being the sailor that navigates me when the storm is at its fiercest.

For being the star that accompanies me in the darkest of night.

For being the fire that warms me.

For being the water that cools me down.

For being the wind that embraces me in time of need.

For waking me up when I dozed off in class. Just like you will always bring me back to reality whenever I am lost in my dreams.


Whenever you are in front of me, you will get my hand and we'll walk side by side.

Whenever you are behind me, you will push me as if you know that I have no more strength left.

Whenever you are beside me, I would treasure such moment coz then I knew you are a friend I couldn't find elsewhere.


And for all these, let us thank Allah. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Senyum ^^

Dalam kesedihan kau masih mampu mengukir senyuman.
Dalam keterpaksaan kau mampu lenturkan kedegilan.
Dalam kepayahan kau mampu mengumpul segala kekuatan.
Dalam kesepian kau masih mampu untuk terus bertahan.

Pastinya kerana kau tahu Allah sentiasa bersama.

'Ya Allah,kurniakan kami keyakinan yg sebenar-benarnya. Bahawa tiada yang lain melainkan Engkau'

Monday, November 14, 2011

tekanan

assalamualaikum w.b.t.

tempat yg sering mnjadi mangsa luahan perasaan, termasuklah tekanan. Kuatlah wahai diri, dengan kekuatan yg diberikan oleh Yang Maha Kuasa. Tenanglah wahai diri, dengan ketenangan yg diberikan oleh YangMaha Mengurniakan Keamanan. Sedarlah wahai diri, engkau tidak punya kudrat sedikit pun melainkan dengan izin-Nya.


Ya Allah..

aku berlindung padaMu

dari hati yang tidak khusyu',

do'a yang tidak didengar,

diri yang tidak kenyang-kenyang,
dan ilmu yang tidak bermanfaat

(HR.Tirmidzi)


Rindunya pada kamu~ ya Allah, jadikanlah diriku orang yg bersyukur atas nikmat-Mu dan bersabar atas ujian-Mu

Sunday, October 9, 2011

let's think about it

Assalamualaikum~

Pernah sekali pensyarahku(ni mestilah Pakar) bertanya:

"How to differentiate between face presentation and breech presentation?"

Seorang amatur(saya la ni :P) pun jawab: Breech lembut, sebab ada buttocks.

Pensyarah: Unreliable. Pipi baby pun lembut. Tembam:D

Pelajar: *sigh*. Breech ad lubang- anus.

Pensyarah: Face presentation ada mulut- lubang jugak. *muka puas hati*

Pelajar: *tembak je la*. Face presentation ada dua mata. Breech xde.

Pensyarah: *muka risau*. Takkan awak nk jolok jari awak dalam mata baby tu? Bahaya. You should never poke/apply pressure to the presenting part!

Pelajar: *clueless dan rasa bersalah*

Pensyarah: *sengih*. See? You can never find this in your textbook:)

Walau apa pun, ni jawapan yang diberikan oleh pensyarah tu:

Face: The mouth and the two malar prominences make a triangle.
Breech: The anus and the two ischial tuberosity are in a straight line:)

Dr memang hebat! Jzkk for the knowledge:)

Tambahan pula(penggunaan wacana yg betul), Dr ajar macam mana nk bezakan tangan atau kaki bayi.

Tangan Kaki
longer digits(jari panjang) shorter digits(jari pendek)
wrist(flexible) heel(quite fixed-cannot extend much)
The fingers grasp The toes cannot grasp
*Large angle **Acute angle

*refers to angle between the thumb and index finger
**refers to angle between big toe and the second toe


Hmm, kalau nk ikutkan, xde kaitan langsung dengan tajuk kn? Tajuk tu sebenarnya nk khabarkan betapa Allah ciptakan kita dengan sebanyak2 hikmah yg mungkin kita tak terfikir langsung. Maklumat kat atas tu mungkin mudah dan senang difahami tapi tidakkah semua itu mustahil tanpa pengetahuan anatomi dan logik akal? dan siapakah empunya pengetahuan anatomi ni? Siapa yang ciptakan akal yang hanya ada pada makhluk bergelar manusia ni? tentulah Allah, dan saya bersyukur kerana Allah bagi pinjam sikit kat saya. Semoga ilmu ini menjadi manfaat buat saya dan orang sekeliling. Benarlah kata Allah, pada diri kita ni banyak tanda2 keagungan-Nya. Moga kita menjadi hamba mentaati dan bersyukur pada-Nya.

Dan di bumi itu terdapat tanda-tanda (kekuasaan Allah) bagi orang-orang yang yakin. dan (juga) pada dirimu sendiri. Maka apakah kamu tidak memperhatikan?

On the earth are signs for those of assured Faith, As also in your own selves: Will ye not then see?

(Adz-Dzariyat: 20-21)


Siapalah kita tanpa kebergantungan pada Allah yang Maha Kuasa. Subhanallah, He is the Greatest!

Credits goes to Dr Kadir for the knowledge and his enthusiasm in teaching :)

Monday, October 3, 2011

Memories are meant to be treasured


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

My posting now officially ends. Of course, I am already in the study w
eek. Now comes the marathon of the two postings. Thus, I would like to compile the lessons I learnt from my lecturers throughout these few weeks. Perhaps some are missing, for I might have forgotten them and before the rest get faded away, let me engrave them in this little world of mine.

Homework need to be done on the same day. If not, you failed as a student!.
Hmm... well said. I have been trying to accomplish the above, but it was not successful every time. I don't want to be a CaTakSeruKin(cakap tak serupa bikin) but I thing this tips(or threat? :P ) is very useful.

You are not being systematic at all. You need to learn how to do things systematically so you won't miss any important points.

Early innocent days. Indeed, when you do things systematically, you will find it easier and thus, you feel more confident in yourself! (which is vital for a medical student)

Make yourself useful.
You can sit silent at the side and observe things while waiting for instructions. However, if you know that you can actually help, why don't you? You get the chance to do things, to experience something your friend may not be able to and perhaps, impress your lecturer!(This are just extra benefits, let's get our niat sincere:) )
Always be humble. You can always learn from other people even if you are already a consultant.
You might not believe me but the person who said this is already a senior consultant. Allah is always the Greatest, whatever you have is granted by Him, everything you know is bestowed upon you by Allah. In the end, everything belongs to Allah. O Allah, please let me be among those who love to share knowledge and allowed oneself to be taught and not among those who are arrogant and selfish.

Being a medical student is to build the database you are going to use later.
I always think that the lecturers are expecting too much but I should know things that I should know right? There is no excuse for that. To be a doctor who heals rather than kills,
then it is a must for me to know more rather than less right? O Allah, make me among those who undoubtedly have faith in You, endlessly seek for Your blessings in everything I put my effort into and never make me among those who give up and lose hope.

Do the correct thing from the start.
This advice might not be applicable to everyone, since one might have made a mistake(like me T,T ). However, you should not repeat the same mistake and if possible, learn from other people mistake's too. Improve yourself!

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
You might not need a surgeon to tell you this, but who knows this might be your survival
tips later on, especially when you hardly have time for yourself :)

I have never liked teaching.
This statement is totally contradictory to who the surgeon really is. He is always dedicated towards his students and has been sharing endless tips every second he gets the chance to do so! This just made into one of my favourite memories :) Nevertheless, never make a teacher says this and means it!

So far, I have never found a student who says that he wants to become a neurosurgeon because he really likes the brain.
This might have no impact to you but to me, it means a lot. Old stories.
It seems to me that you are not learning at all!
From the sound of it, you are sure that this is a scolding right? Indeed. Moral of the story, you need to learn because of Allah(ikhlas) but your teacher's blessings is important too. Don't piss them off or disappoint them. They deserve your respect and more importantly, you owe them the good result they would like to see after they spent their time and effort to teach you!(a warning for myself)


The last message from my beloved supervisor:
"Can you stand out in the next medical posting? You need to improve yourself."
I'm sure this tells you that I had done poorly in my last posting :( but lessons learnt. Be an active learner. Volunteer yourself. Never be ashamed of trying. Share knowledge. InsyaAllah Doctor, I will improve myself!



Even when you think you had done your best, there is always room for improvement. That is why no one is perfect!
Ya Allah yang menguasai hati, tetapkan hatiku dalam agama-Mu, dalam mentaati-Mu dan di atas jalan-Mu.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

~a comeback~

Peace be upon those who seek Guidance and Blessings from the Almighty

It had been a while since I kept the promise made to myself- to update this blog once a month. Yup, since the last entry, it was three months which nearly made up my whole semester. A crap one, I would say. A crap semester full with crap performance and excuses, just like a crab failing to walk straight. Countless reflections were done but nothing seems to change. Why is this??? I am truly sorry for such negativity but at this moment in time, I feel the urge to voice this out so that it would dawn on me that I am not good at all, far from being even a mediocre student. In a way, this is to tell the world that I am still in the quest of becoming a better person and I am not who you think I am.

All this while, nonsense had been going on and I have never been able to shut off such nonsense. 'Top student', 'cream of the cream' and all other labels had been stuck to the medical students(I am actually talking about myself) like shadows. If these labels were indeed true, they would be the greatest booster for our motivation but if the truth is the opposite, it feels like death sentence. Let me give an example:['You just bought a look-alike iPhone 5 because you could not afford the real one. Everyone around you are so impressed and awed by that 'iP5' you owned. Despite of telling them that the 'iP5' you owned is just a counterfeit, they insisted it is the original.] Hmmmm..... what to say? people just won't believe your words(never mind, above all, Allah always knows =D ).

I hope you won't absorb this negativity as it is, but use it to create positive energy in you. Just like what I am doing and always doing, hopefully, I would be able to endure the worst of all. A boost of motivation I got from someone who had helped a lot along the way:


"Don’t be too downhearted about the difficulties you are facing, both with your English and the medical course. All serious study is like that and what seems impossibly difficult now will be so easy for you in a couple of years’ time.

Best wishes"



Yup, best wishes everyone. Just like this title, I wish to make a comeback, to be my good and worthful 'self' again...


"And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out; And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent."(at-Talaq: 2-3)

"Our Lord, grant us from Yourself mercy and prepare for us from our affair right guidance." (al-Kahf: 10)

Friday, June 24, 2011

How many times?


I have told myself 'something' once. And another thing happened. I pushed it all aside and started fresh.


Not really fresh I guess, since I deliberately leave a mark without a known reason. Perhaps because I do not want history to repeat itself.


But now, a certain someone said the exact same 'something'. And now it resounds in my head. And again. And again. What actually happened? I thought I had been thinking over it enough to get over it but…


I think I had been living my life quite well this few years, hadn't I? I thought I had confronted this and could walk-off feeling free. If that is really true, then what am I experiencing now?


Some things are best confronted and some things are better to be left alone. Yet, there is always the grey zone. Not knowing what to do, I pledge for help… soon enough, I'll find the answers, insyaAllah…



Celine Dion: Because You Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me


You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You've been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me


I'm everything I am

Because you loved me



Pasted from <http://www.lyrics007.com/Celine%20Dion%20Lyrics/Because%20You%20Loved%20Me%20Lyrics.html&gt



Ya Allah, janganlah walau seketika cuma Engkau jadikan aku lupa bahawa aku hanyalah hamba pada-Mu

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Trapezium and parallelogram…

They just don't have the line of symmetry(except for a square and rectangle- since a square/rectangle is a parallelogram too)!


Pelajar: "mana ad cikgu! Trapezium and parallelogram ada garisan simetri laa"


Cikgu: Dari mana awak blajar ni? xcaya pulak ckgu ckp. Meh sini ckgu tunjuk…


(cikgu tu pun lukis hakikat yg sebenarnye)…


Pelajar: "takkanla….xpela, nt sy check balik"


Cikgu: xnak percaya lg? xpe, nt awak try gunting sendiri, pastu lipat sendiri sampai dapat(sarkastik)


Believing in the absolutely false fact, the student refused to accept the truth. Not until she couldn't prove that the line of symmetry existed. Eventually, she learned that the trapezium and parallelogram really don't have the line of symmetry.


Some things/facts, are just unacceptable at times. Though they are the REAL truth. It is unfathomable why this happens. The truth is thought to be untrue? Funny. Maybe because truth does not always mean good news or happiness. At times, truth can be devastating. Facts can be manipulated. Fate has its own twist. History may only reveal part of itself which leads to misunderstanding.


What I really want to say is: some things are just beyond your control because it is what it is.


*in the state of confusion*


Allah always has the 'hikmah' for everything that happens.


"…

Saya berdoa kepada Allah supaya kurniakan saya kekuatan, kesabaran dan dedikasi untuk mematuhi ikrar ini sepanjang masa"(late noon; 15/6/2011)

Ohana means family

And family means nobody's left behind. A phrase from one of my favourite's animation. Indeed. Many people say that doctors sacrifice a lot to treat his/her patients. I won't deny that. Time, energy, emotion and another long list may come up. Yet, people often overlook the fact that the people who are behind these doctors are sacrificing even more. They sacrifice the quality time they ought to have with these doctors, the emotions they bear when these doctors' emotions are draining, their claim of priority when these doctors have to put their patients first over anyone else, not even their parents, spouses or children. Yet, these family members are always there when the doctor thinks that s/he can no longer cope with the hardships. These kind people still make an effort to keep in touch and give support and encouragement by sending an SMS though they often have their inbox filled with SMS from these group of human being called 'doctors'. See? The family members are sacrificing more than the doctor does.


And in this pursuit of becoming a doctor, I am more than blessed and grateful to have such a family.


When I give a call to tell stories or most likely, a problem, I can hear the reassuring voices. Perhaps that is the reason I called in the first place, knowing that I will be comforted in such a way that the silver lining that was blind to me prior to that becomes as bright as the sun. 'xpe', 'don't worry', 'sume ok je, insyaAllah' are the magical phrases albeit the fact that you know these are the words which will hit your eardrum. Actually, you just want to hear them and you will experience the instant effect of comfort like the one you have when someone embraces you when you are about to fall apart.


Thanks a lot for being my family and let me be part of your life:)

We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.


Ya Allah, ampunilah diriku dan keluargaku, selamatkanlah kami dari derita dan azab di dunia dan akhirat. Berkatilah setiap perbuatan kami dan sertakanlah redha-Mu dalam setiap saat kehidupan kami. Jadikanlah kami sebaik-baik manusia yang beroleh kemenangan di dunia dan akhirat.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Will and Persevere #01

Every medical student (MS) will say that it is not easy to be a MS. Some others would say, "it is really hard to be MS". Perhaps we, MS overlooked the fact that it is not easy to be anyone(who is decent, of course!). If life were made to be easy, quote such as 'no pain no gain' won't exist. If every bird catches fat, fleshy worms, is there any point of being early?(referring to the quote 'early bird catches the worm'). You may be thinking that you are facing the hardest obstacle ever in the world's history but some other man may be thinking of the exact same thing. Why? For everything that ever happens to you, it is the best for you. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Fun and grief. Laugh and tears. Hope and despair. Success and failure.

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?
(Al-ankabut: 2)


How am I about to handle a living when I am about to be torn apart by things which I thought to be unmanageable? Or cause me unbearable pain? Or bring me to the end of my wits? Allah is always there, plead to Him. There should not be any other to be relied upon except Allah.

Life is not about being an island in the vast sea. It is about interaction, communication and all other things around you. Religion, faith, family, friends, career, relatives, relationships. All these cost you something. Energy, thoughts, emotions, time, money and every other thing you may want to name it. It is normal to be exhausted, to cry and to feel hopeless as we are only His servants. It is Allah who is Powerful and Absolute.
Therefore, my dear self, have faith in Allah for Allah is the Creator and Owner of this world, and the Strong, the All-knowing and with Allah's will only, something will happen. You may expect the worst but never stop hoping for the best. You may had done it wrongly, so don't repeat the same mistake.

To everyone else, I am sorry if I have ever done anything wrong.
If I pulled my face when you were expecting a smile.
If I raised my voice just because I was so selfish to think that I am the only one who is stressed out.
If I hang up because I just didn't feel like talking anymore.
If I declined anything when you were hoping the most of it.
If I ever made you worry by anything you know/see/listen about me.
If I kept quiet when I should have said something.
If I spoke something that tore your heart.
If I didn't bother to make some time to spend together just because I thought that we might have some other time to spend together and wished that you would understand that I am such a busy person(when I was actually too dumb to realize that it was otherwise).
If I was frustrated and disappointed with you because I thought that I should come first before anything you were doing.
To put it simply, if I ever be selfish and unfair to you, and for every other wrong doings, I am truly sorry.

O Allah, I seek refuge from You, the Almighty from being among those who suffer in the world and in the hereafter. Grant me the strength, the patience, the will and the perseverance to walk through this enduring path of seeking Your Love and Blessings. May all of us be among those who win the eternal prize, al-Jannah.


A great man is an ordinary man doing extraordinary things. Don't let others define your life. It belongs to Allah.

Simple.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Take control

Assalamualaikum

Ever felt that you wanna full control of your life?

Get a hold of the Reality...

Did you forget Al-Qadir?


Come on...

Remember Allah, Allah and Allah...

Wahai diri, bangunlah dikau!

Monday, April 25, 2011

~ikatan hati~

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Saya minta maaf dengan penulisan yang amat minimum, bila mana timbul perasaan gentar untuk menulis andainya diri tidak dapat melaksanakan mahupun istiqamah dengan apa yang dituliskan...

Cumanya kali ini, amat bersyukur dengan pemberian Allah yang tidak ternilai, itulah ukhuwwah. Belakangan ini, sering kali berkait dengan topik ikatan hati... Allahua'lam, mungkin diri ini sering kali melupakan mereka yang memerlukan, hingga perlu banyak kali diberikan peringatan...

Ikatan hati~ antara dua insan, yang mengharapkan keredhaan Allah sebagai matlamat akhirnya, insyaAllah. Alhamdulillah, syukur kerana diberikan mereka yang tidak penat memberikan peringatan dan pengajaran buat diri yang hina ini. Moga Allah tetapkan hati kami di atas jalan-Nya.

Ikatan hati yang berlandaskan ikatan aqidah pasti membuahkan kemanisan dalam kepahitan. Hmmm, mcm mocha kot? huhu... addicted to coffee.

Smoga diri ini menjadi prihatin terhadap insan lain dan berkasih sayang kerana Allah...

something to share (taken from Risalah Gharamiyah):

Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda: “Sesungguhnya di kalangan manusia ada yang bukan dari golongan Anbiya’ dan juga bukan golongan para syuhada’. Mereka dicemburui oleh para Anbiya’ dan para syuhada’ kerana ketinggian kedudukan mereka di sisi Allah.”
Para sahabat bertanya: “Wahai Rasulullah, beritahulah kami siapakah mereka itu?” Rasulullah menjawab: “Mereka adalah golongan yang berkasih sayang kerana Allah tanpa ada pertalian persaudaraan antara mereka dan bukan kerana harta benda.
Demi Allah muka mereka adalah ‘cahaya’ dan mereka adalah di atas ‘cahaya’. Mereka tidak takut meskipun manusia lain berasa takut dan tidak bersedih ketika orang lain bersedih.”
Lalu baginda membaca firman Allah yang bermaksud: “Ketahuilah sesungguhnya penolong-penolong Allah itu mereka tidak takut dan tidak juga bersedih hati.(Yunus:62)” (Hadith Riwayat Ahmad)

*p/s: terima kasih kerana menghiasi hidup saya ini (^.^)
Tidaklah bersyukur kepada Allah orang yang tidak tahu berterima kasih kepada sesama manusia (Riwayat Ahmad)

Monday, March 28, 2011

For you and me... a reminder for the heart and soul

Assalamualaikum

be strong, for you are the strongest person of yourself
be good, so that nothing bad comes from you
be patient, for everything comes from Allah
be tough and resilient, perhaps success is just about to be yours

people may think i am a superhuman. i ain't. we are all 'insan' made by Allah.

people may think i am always at the great side. that's a myth. we walk the same path. the life. Granted by Allah. I do stumble and fall. I get scratches and cuts and I can assure you that I am not some mutant creature. you and i are the same.

Let us all be strong and unite, for united we stand, divided we fall.

I pray for the best of all, for you and me, for this world and hereafter. InsyaAllah

Dan rahsiakanlah perkataanmu atau lahirkanlah; sesungguhnya Dia(Allah) Maha Mengetahui segala isi hati. (al-Mulk:13)






*p/s: blip2 benar2 merindui blup2. amat.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Doc wannabe…

Hmm… td masa blogwalking, jmpa perkataan ni kt kwn punya description… huhu,, as u may already figure out, empunya blog yg sy maksudkan ni classmate saya i.e. MS… masa baca kalimah ajaib tu, terus terfikir, 'aku ni bukan doc wannabe gk ke? Atau pun da xde da 'wanna' tu? Tinggal doc to be je? Adoi…

Bila fikir2 blik keadaan n pncapaian diri pada masa ni, rasa cm mkin sush je…n the word wanna is certainly fading off… huhu, teringat plak kata2 fasi masa kem PPD, org yg most motivated masa kem ni pling bahaya skali(referring to a question about how much u want to be a doc-I put my score as 5, which is max), sebab dia kene maintain motivation dia n certainly not to be at a lower level….. *dush* memg kene batang hidung sndiri.


Jadi, pesan buat diri ini… janganlah jemu atau bosan….kumpulkan kembali semangat dan keinginan tu…n jangan lupa bahawa yang paling penting ialah Rahmat n Redha Allah s.w.t...




Juz some stories for the sake of record(so that I can review from time to time to get a boost for my motivation)…



I had been enthusiastic about being a doc since I was a child(thnx to Bteh who underwent appendicectomy at that time-the exact event which piqued my interest to become a doctor)…so enthusiastic that even my elder cousin's friend knew about it (coz one day, I met her(at that time I am already a med student) and she said something like this: "Oh, ni la dia budak kecik yg nk jadi doktor tu eh? Nasib baik masuk medical school…(huhu, memang nasib baik pun:D)



Teringat pulak kt kad yang cikgu homeroom bagi masa da nk habis Form5…"There is a long way to go… become the best n****s****** in the world"...(fuiyoh...insyaAllah ckgu, walaupun cita-cita saya tu mungkin berubah;])...p/s: rindu sgt kt Ckgu Noreen!!!



Memandangkan cikgu saya ni sebut perkataan the best tu, ini mengingatkan saya tentang amanat dari dekan(saya belum fifth year lg taw:P)…huhu, juz a statement from his speech in Opening Ceremony of 23rd EAMSC at KL Tower(if I am not mistaken:D)… 'to become the leaders of your field in the world' … sangat gempak ayat ni...memang berasap, nk meletup pun boleh… still, I know that this statement bears great hope...



Last but not least, since all these stories seem to add up the tension(due to the beyond-the-sky expectations :D), I remembered my very own brother's words: "Jangan anggap harapan@expectation orang lain itu sebagai beban, tapi jadikan pendorong semangat =]]]] )" very true, and certainly what I need-credits goes to Bjek…





Jadi, sama2lah kita terus berusaha… sesungguhnya Islam tidak membenarkan umatnya berputus asa… Semoga bimbingan dan redha Allah sentiasa bersama kita...


p/s: maaf sgt2 atas tatabahasa yg amat teruk/truly sorry for the terrible grammar, rasa nk guna bhs rojak je kali ni...

Monday, January 24, 2011

something...

Here is something new… at least that is what I think…

First and foremost, I want to apologize to everyone for every single error, mistake or any wrong doings that I had done.

Secondly, I think this blog had somehow become a medium for me to voice out my feelings, though that is not my initial intention of writing entries- I am sorry that it turned out this way. Perhaps I feel better this way. I am sorry if somehow my entries wasted your time- but I hope that won't happen to anyone of you. If you don't really get the message I tried to deliver through the entries, I hope you can at least learnt a lesson from why I did wrong or anything at all, perhaps just feels enlightened by reading any of those entries.

About something new that I mentioned in the beginning, it is actually my feelings or thoughts are becoming numb. The pathogenesis? I think I know, but I don’t think so too… complicated huh? I think, for the time being, let it be just like that. Don't bother about it. Pain hurts, but actually it is meant to protect you, though at times, it kills. That's why I think being numb is better for the time being…

Let's proceed to a story, for us to contemplate…

Somewhere in this world, there is a girl with big dreams… living a happy life, with no doubt, but not to an extent that she does not know what pain or frustration is… happy enough for her to believe that there is meaning to life… as she grows up, she learns that everything is possible but there is no such thing as perfection. Living her life to the fullest, she begins to fulfill her dreams, one by one, very smoothly, as days goes by… and of course, in the process, she learns more things, making her stronger and wiser. However, from another point of view, she starts to acknowledge limitations and believe that some things may not be possible and let other people to discourage or disallow her to do something…


Let me stop at there…

Few questions to ask: 1) How can this girl accomplishes her dreams one by one? 2)What does she acquire during the learning process- which make her stronger and wiser? 3) Is it good for her to acknowledge limitations and believe that some things may not be possible and let other people to discourage or disallow her to do something? Justify.












For me, this girl may be affected by the pain she suffered throughout the process. The experience makes her stronger and wiser. Among those experiences, there must be pain. In a way, pain makes her wiser as the pain may prevent her from doing foolish stuff which can hurt her. From another point of view, she may dare not do something because of the pain she might suffer afterwards. At this time, risk and fear comes in… so, is it good or otherwise? You decide...


Thnx a lot:)



p/s: I AM a student!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

saya sayang ayah jugak!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Entry kali ni ditujukan khas buat ayah tercinta... Sebenarnya nk dedicate masa birthday ayah macam mah buat untuk mek, tapi xde kesempatan n idea nk buat macam tu...lmbt dua minggu... sori ayah...

hmmm... nk citer skit tentang ayah...ayah dulu garang sangat, huhu...sangat takut kt 'hakim mahkamah agung'... tp mah still sayang ayah...

ayah mesti marah kalau mah nangis...huhu...mesti ada baiknya...pada masa yang sama, ayah ajar mah untuk kuat n xterbawa-bawa oleh perasaan...

Ayah sentiasa jadi idola mah~ berani! walaupun mah xla berani macam ayah... Ayah kn macam MacGyver... n mah rasa banyak yang mah dapat dari ayah..termasuklah memanfaatkan masa yang terluang untuk 'recharge' otak n badan..huhu

Ayah pun banyak ajar mah bout self-presentation...huhu...dulu mah msti comot sgt kn..hehehe...mah ingat lg dulu masa kecik2 ayah selalu keringkan rambut mah lepas mandi n sikat rambut mah sebab kusut sgt...hehe...gosok baju pun ayah yg ajar...wlupun ad lg jugak tudung sekolah yang mah da lubangkan...hehe, xpe kan ayah? it's part of learning...hehe...betapa penyayang nye ayah mah ni

Walaupun ayah garang, mah yakin tu sebab ayah sayangkan anak-anak ayah...n ayah pun seorang yang penyabar jugak... mah ingat lagi masa mah darjah satu, ayah cek buku latihan mah...subjek Bahasa Melayu-tatabahasa... xde pun yg salah...tetiba je ada satu pangkah... sebab mah tulis "Murid-Murid.....", pastu ayah pun ajar mah yang huruf besar perkataan pertama ayat je, walaupun kata ganda.... ok, baru mah taw...

Ayah seorang yang amat penyayang~ apa buktinya? Ayah taw apa yg anak2 ayah suka... mah suka kismis, ayah selalu belikan bila balik kelantan... aritu ayah belikan jubah...cm taw2 je mah n kjah nk jubah...hehe...instinct ayah ni power la... err...ayah suka ap ea? ad la skit2 yg mah taw...air suam, kacang, keropok, ikan masin, daging goreng, betik, durian, dll...

Ayah sentiasa nk yg terbaik untuk anak2 ayah--> ni memang xdpt disangkal lagi. wlupun mungkin ad masanya mah xsuka(ayah ingat x masa mah nk UPSR dulu ayah limitkn mah makan sekali je chickedees seminggu)...mah yakin, insyaAllah, slagi kemahuan ibu bapa tidak bertentangan dengan perintah dan larangan Allah, pastinya akan membawa keberkatan dunia n akhirat...

Ayah tanpa jemu mencari rezeki untuk anak-anak. Meskipun penat, ayah tetap berusaha yang terbaik untuk memberikan kami yang terbaik. Mah rasa amat bertuah ada ayah sebagai ayah mah...

yang paling penting, mah nk ucapkan byk2 terima kasih atas didikan ayah yang menjadikan siapa diri mah sekarang.. moga rahmat dan redha Allah sentiasa menaungi kita sekeluarga...

Semoga mah dpt jd anak yg solehah n dpt terus berbakti pada ibu bapa agar kita sume termasuk dlm golongan yg diredhai Allah di dunia n akhirat...aaminn

I said no but I want to say yes, but there are more buts...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. and greetings,

I've made someone angry, didn't I? Because he said: "xx, I am angry with you." Sorry for that, didn't mean to make you angry. Perhaps... I don't know what to say.

I said no, for a reason. And at the same time, I want to say yes for another reason. I am undecided. Or perhaps, deciding with the contradiction in my head. Laughing when I wanted to cry. Being silent when actually I had a lot to say. Another 'he' said: "xx, I am sure you have a lot to say right?". You are so good because that is so true. Yet, the words won't come out. They prefer to stay in my mind. My motor function is not working...

Reconsider... I am always in the state of reconsideration that I have to tell myself to stop it and it will all be over when the AGM is done with...that was what I thought until I was given another offer... Huhu, life is never easy huh? still, i like this quote: 'life is too short to be miserable'...

Why I am so confused?

This association, XXXX, has been part of my life until now, drive me out of my comfort zone at times and more importantly, lead me to a better self. Being part of it is really great, and of course, other people in it are awesome! How I wish to continue being part of it when it had given me lots and lots of opportunities and chances. Not to mention I love working with the people in XXXX, and it would be a great loss not to be able to work with them, as a team. How can I walk away when XXXX have given me all these??? What an ingrate I am...

But then, here are some few things that were kept silent in my mind just now...

I said no because I feel like I want to have more time for myself. I told you that I am afraid that I may not be able to handle XXXX and PPPPPP at the same time, unlike the 'superman'. I may make it through, if I tried my best(belum cuba, belum tahu) but then, that is still a question and to be honest, it is not just that. I want to have sometime for myself. Selfish huh? Why does I want to have this time I am mentioning? If I join XXXX, my time will be used to provide me experiences I could never get anywhere else. But then, this time I am asking for is for me to spend some time to seek knowledge. Yes, Knowledge. I am not the kind of genius who are able to grab knowledge just by listening to the lectures or flicking through the notes(only if I am awake and didn't doze off). Not to mention that there are lot more to be discovered. Not only medical stuff, but knowledge about my religion as well. Islam. I have very limited knowledge about Islam when I claim it is my way of life... but the thing is, if I am not joining, can I really make full use of this extra time I have to seek knowledge like I wanted? Or is it just a bluff? I have no idea bout that and I am afraid of the latter. Am I being selfish? Please tell me.

That is the only one thing that made me truly worried.

The truth is: I don't want to be the victim of my own selfishness...

I am sorry and I truly am. and I am thankful for every thing you gave me and please forgive me for everything I have not done right.

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