something...

Here is something new… at least that is what I think…

First and foremost, I want to apologize to everyone for every single error, mistake or any wrong doings that I had done.

Secondly, I think this blog had somehow become a medium for me to voice out my feelings, though that is not my initial intention of writing entries- I am sorry that it turned out this way. Perhaps I feel better this way. I am sorry if somehow my entries wasted your time- but I hope that won't happen to anyone of you. If you don't really get the message I tried to deliver through the entries, I hope you can at least learnt a lesson from why I did wrong or anything at all, perhaps just feels enlightened by reading any of those entries.

About something new that I mentioned in the beginning, it is actually my feelings or thoughts are becoming numb. The pathogenesis? I think I know, but I don’t think so too… complicated huh? I think, for the time being, let it be just like that. Don't bother about it. Pain hurts, but actually it is meant to protect you, though at times, it kills. That's why I think being numb is better for the time being…

Let's proceed to a story, for us to contemplate…

Somewhere in this world, there is a girl with big dreams… living a happy life, with no doubt, but not to an extent that she does not know what pain or frustration is… happy enough for her to believe that there is meaning to life… as she grows up, she learns that everything is possible but there is no such thing as perfection. Living her life to the fullest, she begins to fulfill her dreams, one by one, very smoothly, as days goes by… and of course, in the process, she learns more things, making her stronger and wiser. However, from another point of view, she starts to acknowledge limitations and believe that some things may not be possible and let other people to discourage or disallow her to do something…


Let me stop at there…

Few questions to ask: 1) How can this girl accomplishes her dreams one by one? 2)What does she acquire during the learning process- which make her stronger and wiser? 3) Is it good for her to acknowledge limitations and believe that some things may not be possible and let other people to discourage or disallow her to do something? Justify.












For me, this girl may be affected by the pain she suffered throughout the process. The experience makes her stronger and wiser. Among those experiences, there must be pain. In a way, pain makes her wiser as the pain may prevent her from doing foolish stuff which can hurt her. From another point of view, she may dare not do something because of the pain she might suffer afterwards. At this time, risk and fear comes in… so, is it good or otherwise? You decide...


Thnx a lot:)



p/s: I AM a student!

Read More

saya sayang ayah jugak!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Entry kali ni ditujukan khas buat ayah tercinta... Sebenarnya nk dedicate masa birthday ayah macam mah buat untuk mek, tapi xde kesempatan n idea nk buat macam tu...lmbt dua minggu... sori ayah...

hmmm... nk citer skit tentang ayah...ayah dulu garang sangat, huhu...sangat takut kt 'hakim mahkamah agung'... tp mah still sayang ayah...

ayah mesti marah kalau mah nangis...huhu...mesti ada baiknya...pada masa yang sama, ayah ajar mah untuk kuat n xterbawa-bawa oleh perasaan...

Ayah sentiasa jadi idola mah~ berani! walaupun mah xla berani macam ayah... Ayah kn macam MacGyver... n mah rasa banyak yang mah dapat dari ayah..termasuklah memanfaatkan masa yang terluang untuk 'recharge' otak n badan..huhu

Ayah pun banyak ajar mah bout self-presentation...huhu...dulu mah msti comot sgt kn..hehehe...mah ingat lg dulu masa kecik2 ayah selalu keringkan rambut mah lepas mandi n sikat rambut mah sebab kusut sgt...hehe...gosok baju pun ayah yg ajar...wlupun ad lg jugak tudung sekolah yang mah da lubangkan...hehe, xpe kan ayah? it's part of learning...hehe...betapa penyayang nye ayah mah ni

Walaupun ayah garang, mah yakin tu sebab ayah sayangkan anak-anak ayah...n ayah pun seorang yang penyabar jugak... mah ingat lagi masa mah darjah satu, ayah cek buku latihan mah...subjek Bahasa Melayu-tatabahasa... xde pun yg salah...tetiba je ada satu pangkah... sebab mah tulis "Murid-Murid.....", pastu ayah pun ajar mah yang huruf besar perkataan pertama ayat je, walaupun kata ganda.... ok, baru mah taw...

Ayah seorang yang amat penyayang~ apa buktinya? Ayah taw apa yg anak2 ayah suka... mah suka kismis, ayah selalu belikan bila balik kelantan... aritu ayah belikan jubah...cm taw2 je mah n kjah nk jubah...hehe...instinct ayah ni power la... err...ayah suka ap ea? ad la skit2 yg mah taw...air suam, kacang, keropok, ikan masin, daging goreng, betik, durian, dll...

Ayah sentiasa nk yg terbaik untuk anak2 ayah--> ni memang xdpt disangkal lagi. wlupun mungkin ad masanya mah xsuka(ayah ingat x masa mah nk UPSR dulu ayah limitkn mah makan sekali je chickedees seminggu)...mah yakin, insyaAllah, slagi kemahuan ibu bapa tidak bertentangan dengan perintah dan larangan Allah, pastinya akan membawa keberkatan dunia n akhirat...

Ayah tanpa jemu mencari rezeki untuk anak-anak. Meskipun penat, ayah tetap berusaha yang terbaik untuk memberikan kami yang terbaik. Mah rasa amat bertuah ada ayah sebagai ayah mah...

yang paling penting, mah nk ucapkan byk2 terima kasih atas didikan ayah yang menjadikan siapa diri mah sekarang.. moga rahmat dan redha Allah sentiasa menaungi kita sekeluarga...

Semoga mah dpt jd anak yg solehah n dpt terus berbakti pada ibu bapa agar kita sume termasuk dlm golongan yg diredhai Allah di dunia n akhirat...aaminn

Read More

I said no but I want to say yes, but there are more buts...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. and greetings,

I've made someone angry, didn't I? Because he said: "xx, I am angry with you." Sorry for that, didn't mean to make you angry. Perhaps... I don't know what to say.

I said no, for a reason. And at the same time, I want to say yes for another reason. I am undecided. Or perhaps, deciding with the contradiction in my head. Laughing when I wanted to cry. Being silent when actually I had a lot to say. Another 'he' said: "xx, I am sure you have a lot to say right?". You are so good because that is so true. Yet, the words won't come out. They prefer to stay in my mind. My motor function is not working...

Reconsider... I am always in the state of reconsideration that I have to tell myself to stop it and it will all be over when the AGM is done with...that was what I thought until I was given another offer... Huhu, life is never easy huh? still, i like this quote: 'life is too short to be miserable'...

Why I am so confused?

This association, XXXX, has been part of my life until now, drive me out of my comfort zone at times and more importantly, lead me to a better self. Being part of it is really great, and of course, other people in it are awesome! How I wish to continue being part of it when it had given me lots and lots of opportunities and chances. Not to mention I love working with the people in XXXX, and it would be a great loss not to be able to work with them, as a team. How can I walk away when XXXX have given me all these??? What an ingrate I am...

But then, here are some few things that were kept silent in my mind just now...

I said no because I feel like I want to have more time for myself. I told you that I am afraid that I may not be able to handle XXXX and PPPPPP at the same time, unlike the 'superman'. I may make it through, if I tried my best(belum cuba, belum tahu) but then, that is still a question and to be honest, it is not just that. I want to have sometime for myself. Selfish huh? Why does I want to have this time I am mentioning? If I join XXXX, my time will be used to provide me experiences I could never get anywhere else. But then, this time I am asking for is for me to spend some time to seek knowledge. Yes, Knowledge. I am not the kind of genius who are able to grab knowledge just by listening to the lectures or flicking through the notes(only if I am awake and didn't doze off). Not to mention that there are lot more to be discovered. Not only medical stuff, but knowledge about my religion as well. Islam. I have very limited knowledge about Islam when I claim it is my way of life... but the thing is, if I am not joining, can I really make full use of this extra time I have to seek knowledge like I wanted? Or is it just a bluff? I have no idea bout that and I am afraid of the latter. Am I being selfish? Please tell me.

That is the only one thing that made me truly worried.

The truth is: I don't want to be the victim of my own selfishness...

I am sorry and I truly am. and I am thankful for every thing you gave me and please forgive me for everything I have not done right.

Read More