I have always seen myself as a reserved, introvert
person. Though some would say I am the total opposite of that - friendly, have
a loud laugh and definitely not introvert. I usually get along with people just
fine, and most of the time I try to avoid people I am not comfortable to be
around with - for whatever reason, whether their personality or how they talk
to me or sometimes just because the way they talk about the people I like
(read: I am close to). Indeed, I can become very judgmental especially so when
it comes to people I care about, more than when it is about me (I tend to
stonewall these people who I just wish wouldn’t bother to communicate with me).
Yeah, the big no-no in any relationship/communication: stonewalling. Very
rarely I talk about myself except with few people. So, that's a bit of
introduction of me.
Imagine two years back (plus eight months actually) when I got posted to
Sabah (luckily Kota Kinabalu though, and even more luckily I got the department
I wished for: general surgery), I was all alone (because I was extended for ten
days in one of the postings, so I missed the intake in which all my batchmates
got posted to Semenanjung). But then, I decided to come anyway and did not even
appeal (because I don’t wanna stay longer floating in that hospital :P), and
also because I got my department of choice and I thought that perhaps this would
be a good learning opportunity for me (and probably easier for me to get posted
to somewhere closer to home afterwards). Today, I am very grateful for that
decision. If I were to turn back time and given different options, I would
still opted for this.
Looking back, I did not start off well. I had difficulty adjusting -
being homesick definitely, to blend in with the people in my department, taking
baby steps in learning my way through the discipline (knowledge, skills,
decision making, etc), doing oncalls, and later on, coping with bosses'
expectations and your expected milestones and making sure you are not stagnant
(definitely a hardwork for a laid back person like me) and etcetera etcetera.
In summary, I am just a flop.
But I am blessed with amazing people around me. My housemates and
classmates who I would stick with for whatever - dinner, meal during weekends,
grocery shopping, even if she was going out with her own clique or mates, I
didn't care, I just joined them, and be the fifth wheel unashamedly. Definitely
Nury, whom I always tagged along ever since my first day in surgery (I
hope I am not a nuisance) until we got separated into different units :'( but
well, the friendship still flourishes beyond that. Then my friends during
housemanship joined me in Sabah, making my life merrier, Elaine's/Evana's place
is like my second home (thanks for letting me crash every time), and having
these people around also means having people I can be crazy with.
And little by
little, I became close to the people in my department(well, you know who you
are), I learned that my seniors and colleagues are definitely very helpful in
guiding and giving me opportunities to learn and improve myself (bosses too, of
course), I gained bosses' trust (or probably they had no choice, who knows?)
and without realizing, I have a bunch of wonderful people around me, people who
I definitely miss now. They bore with me even when I was shutting down myself
or cocooned myself into my own world. They didn’t ditch me but they gave me the
space and time I need, and always lent a hand to pick me up again. There are
these people, who I spent my time with. Be it just having coffee, or drive
around, or going through fun riddles during our trip to district visit, or
hiking, or accompanying me to study, or holiday or staycation or whatever it
is, they had successfully kept my sanity intact, even when I feel that I am at
the end of my wits. They saved the world from having an additional lunatic
>.< And they made me feel my imperfections are all just perfect. And for
all these, I thank all of you J
May Lord return the favour in the best possible way :)
x
